Old magazine articles.

[Blue Sow]

THINGS THAT GO BUMP
Virtually everyone has experienced the phenomenon of things that go bump in the
night. Our own editress, many years ago, even wrote a poem on the subject and
entitled it rather nattily 'Things that go bump in the night'. This piece of
literature is now hopefully lost to us but even so, there is still a body of
evidence and considerable research relating to this subject.
It is said that things go bump in the night and scientists have told us that in
fact, things go bump all the time but because our environment is usually quieter
at night, and because our hearing is at its best at 0200 hours (apparently),
things are heard to go bump at that time only.
On the face of it, that is a plausible enough explanation, except for one thing.
Sundays! Often, this is a quiet enough day and in the summer time, Sunday
afternoons are sometimes so quiet that you can almost hear the grass growing.
The question which now arises is 'Do things go bump on Sunday afternoons?'. This
is a good question.
Another good question usually ignored by scientists is 'What was it that went
bump?'. One could add to that 'Why did it go bump anyway?'.
We are getting ahead of ourselves here. The first point to be clarified is 'When
do things go bump?'. We can consider the 'what' and the 'why' later. We must
also limit our consideration to UTTGBs or 'Unidentified Things That Go Bump'. By
this means, we eradicate the sounds made by the plumbing, the heating system,
floorboards and stairs etc, which will gurgle, click, creak and groan but which
seldom if ever go bump.
If we are to get to the truth here, it beseems all of us to maintain a log of
UTTGBs. We should note the date, give a brief description and, most importantly,
note the time of the incident using the twenty-four hour clock. The matter of
the acuity of our hearing is probably a coloured fish; in this writer's
experience, many UTTGBs are so loud even the dead could hear them.
Readers might like to write into this magazine, detailing their experiences, in
time for next month's issue. This would enable us to carry this fascinating
research on to its ultimate conclusion. Keep listening.

©1996.

[FCS]

Post by Blue Sow
THINGS THAT GO BUMP
Virtually everyone has experienced the phenomenon of things that go bump in the
night. Our own editress, many years ago, even wrote a poem on the subject and
entitled it rather nattily 'Things that go bump in the night'. This piece of
literature is now hopefully lost to us but even so, there is still a body of
evidence and considerable research relating to this subject.
It is said that things go bump in the night and scientists have told us that in
fact, things go bump all the time but because our environment is usually quieter
at night, and because our hearing is at its best at 0200 hours (apparently),
things are heard to go bump at that time only.
On the face of it, that is a plausible enough explanation, except for one thing.
Sundays! Often, this is a quiet enough day and in the summer time, Sunday
afternoons are sometimes so quiet that you can almost hear the grass growing.
The question which now arises is 'Do things go bump on Sunday afternoons?'. This
is a good question.
Another good question usually ignored by scientists is 'What was it that went
bump?'. One could add to that 'Why did it go bump anyway?'.
We are getting ahead of ourselves here. The first point to be clarified is 'When
do things go bump?'. We can consider the 'what' and the 'why' later. We must
also limit our consideration to UTTGBs or 'Unidentified Things That Go Bump'. By
this means, we eradicate the sounds made by the plumbing, the heating system,
floorboards and stairs etc, which will gurgle, click, creak and groan but which
seldom if ever go bump.
If we are to get to the truth here, it beseems all of us to maintain a log of
UTTGBs. We should note the date, give a brief description and, most importantly,
note the time of the incident using the twenty-four hour clock. The matter of
the acuity of our hearing is probably a coloured fish; in this writer's
experience, many UTTGBs are so loud even the dead could hear them.
Readers might like to write into this magazine, detailing their experiences, in
time for next month's issue. This would enable us to carry this fascinating
research on to its ultimate conclusion. Keep listening.
©1996.
--
Blue Sow

This is one of your published folio then
I take it?

Initial observations are along the lines
of: Yes, you'd think things went "poooh"
in the night as well if all it's down to
is the sharpening of sensory acuity once
sight is temporarily diminished.

Were there any observations from Europe,
in general, E.g., is aural acuity at its
optimum at 02:00 in midsummer in Tromso?

Otherwise, FWIW, I thought much of it to
be down to temperature changes as houses
contract at different rates as it drops,
a bit like how a thermocouple works. The
beams in the roof contract less than the
tiles, whilst the lead flashing does not
contract at all.

G DAEB

COPYRIGHT (C) 2007 SIPSTON
--

[Blue Sow]

Post by FCS
This is one of your published folio then
I take it?

Yes. Admittedly a 'throwaway' example but one would perhaps not post anything
beyond that here.

Post by FCS
Initial observations are along the lines
of: Yes, you'd think things went "poooh"
in the night as well if all it's down to
is the sharpening of sensory acuity once
sight is temporarily diminished.
Were there any observations from Europe,
in general, E.g., is aural acuity at its
optimum at 02:00 in midsummer in Tromso?
Otherwise, FWIW, I thought much of it to
be down to temperature changes as houses
contract at different rates as it drops,
a bit like how a thermocouple works. The
beams in the roof contract less than the
tiles, whilst the lead flashing does not
contract at all.

I am not sure that it matters. The piece was written to size requirements and
to some extent to content requirements on a general theme of taking something
ridiculous or pointless and treating it with the utmost seriousness.

In this instance, I implied that a common occurrence with no real mystery
attached to it was being subjected to serious scientific research.

I posted it here in the vain hope that it might encourage the readership (if
there is a readership here) to post something of their own, perhaps without
worrying about what others may think of it.

[FCS]

Post by Blue Sow
I posted it here in the vain hope that it might encourage the readership (if
there is a readership here) to post something of their own, perhaps without
worrying about what others may think of it.

I think there is one. But yes, it's a funny old state
of affairs really isn't it? In order, really, to write
you have to care about spelling, grammar, nuance, idiom,
connotation, economy, style...then, having done all this,
not care one jot how it's received.

Ever noticed how despite you can tell the accent of one
olden village which is now a suburb from another after
a while, the approximations of spellings which are
supposed to be the key to the pronunciation are remarkably
consistent?

I saw some from Staffordshire which were more similar to
the stuff that gets passed of as Yorkshire than any two
people's informal e-mails would ever be likely to be.

It would be interesting to spend sufficient time in the
libraries round there to see if the same late-Victorian
theories of racial supremacy abound in dialect linguistics
textbooks there as they do in Yorkshire.

Post by Blue Sow
--
Blue Sow- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -

G DAEB

COPYRIGHT (C) 2007 SIPSTON
--

[Blue Sow]

Post by FCS
I think there is one. But yes, it's a funny old state
of affairs really isn't it? In order, really, to write
you have to care about spelling, grammar, nuance, idiom,
connotation, economy, style...then, having done all this,
not care one jot how it's received.

Indeed. Much as is the case with painting, composing, drama, etc., etc..
Pearls 'n' piggies anyone?

Post by FCS
Ever noticed how despite you can tell the accent of one
olden village which is now a suburb from another after
a while, the approximations of spellings which are
supposed to be the key to the pronunciation are remarkably
consistent?
I saw some from Staffordshire which were more similar to
the stuff that gets passed of as Yorkshire than any two
people's informal e-mails would ever be likely to be.

Convergence is not unusual, and with casual correspondence between diverse
locations now commonplace, no doubt the pace will quicken.

[Bert]

You may not agree with this but it is worth considering.

It's about time our politicians grasped the nettle and
started a further legal incursion into alcohol consumption.
Alcohol related illnesses are becoming a greater drain
on resources than smoking related conditions. We could
start controlling the amount and strength of alcoholic drink
which can be sold to individuals by issuing some form
of ration book. It could be like a cash card! Individuals
suffering from alcohol addiction could be better treated in
this way.The technology is there. In fact it could be built into
the Identity Card.

I know that most of you will disagree and few will regard this
suggestion as music to their ears. But this problem will have
to be addressed at some point.

Bert.