BBC LXXIV: Play For Today

[BAYHAM BADGER]

(curtain up)

The Scene: A large well furnished house in Bloomsbury. A dinner party of BBC
middle and higher management is in progress. Also present is an old
journalist who recently took redundancy.

Channel Controller: Mmm, these yams are really very tasty, Sarah.

News Editor: Thanks Tim; I got them from this little guy down by the station
near the Halal butchers. I always say that exotic food is one of the most
striking things about multicultural Britain.

Channel Controller: Yes; I'm reflecting that in the schedules: Billy Bragg's
making a ten part series about African fruit and its connection to musical
tradition in Monrovia.

Old Journalist, Recently Made Redundant: I would have thought the most
striking thing about multicultural Britain was people being blown to pieces
in the name of a medieval religion.

Young Irish Male Journalist: Tim, I bet you're sorry to see old Bill here
going?

Old Journalist: What a lovely smirk you have Declan; never noticed it
before. Oh no, tell a lie: I think i noticed it once when you feeding
leading questions to some poor bombed out Iraqi about 'Insurgents'.

YIJ (singing gaily): You say terrorist, I say insurgent!

OJ: You would.

Young Irish Female Journalist: Well I feel very sorry for the Muslim
community here. I think they've had a rough deal- like the Irish in the 70s.

OJ: You would.

Channel Contoller: I'm going to get Tom Paulin, actually, to reflect this
once he's got his new series for Radio 4 out the way.

YIFM: Oh Tom! Lovely! What's his new programme called?

Channel Controller: 'Great Racists of English Literature.'

Asian Journalist: Ah, well, that's seems rather sensible.

News Editor: One thing that's been bothering me actually, is the
predominance of males in the Iraqi insurgency.

Channel Controller: Got that covered too, Sarah: new series with Sandi
Toksvig interviewing members of Al Queda and Al Mahajerhoun about their
rather old fashioned values. She ticks them off for not being gender
inclusive enough.

YIFJ + YIJ: Sounds really good.

AJ: That's what I like about the BBC, so forward looking.

YIMJ: I hear Dimbleby is going to interview Osama Bin Laden?

C.C: Well he was, but he wanted £120,000 and the coypright. We always
preferred the idea of Mike Harding doing it, because I think you need to not
demonize the man. Harding was unavailable, so we've plumped for Barry
Norman.

AJ: Oh, I see, a White Middle Aged Man?

C.C: Sorry Aziz.

(pause)

OJ: Bombs were awful, weren't they?

All: yes.

(pause)

AJ: the shooting of that poor Brazilian guy was awful wasn't it?

All (except OJ): Yes, it was such a disgraceful moment! I mean it's a police
state! It was an execution! No respect for human life. It's Orwellian! I
think the family should sue. Outrageous! OUTRAGEOUS. BRITISH IMPERIALIST
ATTITUDE AT ITS WORST!!

(old journalist get up and pours a drink)

News Editor: You should get your liver tested, Bill. And give up meat.

OJ (to nobody in particular): That's what I like about the BBC, so forward
looking.

(curtain)

ROBBIE
--
Nick Garrett

[Andrew]

Post by BAYHAM BADGER
(curtain up)
<>

Are you posting this for criticism or just to blow off steam? Either way I'd
say it's not very effective: the converted will just agree with you and
write another furious letter to the Daily Mail: the unconverted (like me)
will stop reading halfway down when it becomes obvious that your agenda is
more important than actual satire. Funny how the BBC gets it in the neck
from all sides: the government thinks they're biased against them, the right
wing press *still* think it's a hotbed of Trotskyism. Basically it seems
that people with a particular axe to grind get annoyed when the BBC does its
job and remains impartial, asking the awkward and necessary questions,
whether in news or cultural programming.

[BLAZES BOYLAN]

Post by Andrew

Post by BAYHAM BADGER
(curtain up)
<>

Are you posting this for criticism or just to blow off steam? Either way I'd
say it's not very effective: the converted will just agree with you and
write another furious letter to the Daily Mail: the unconverted (like me)
will stop reading halfway down when it becomes obvious that your agenda is
more important than actual satire. Funny how the BBC gets it in the neck
from all sides: the government thinks they're biased against them

Oh no; it's very much been a friend of the Labour Party- Greg Dyke was a
member as was Andrew Marr. They had one almighty falling-out- Iraq. The BBC
is more Left Wing than the parliamentary Labour Party, that's the bone of
contention.


, the right

Post by Andrew
wing press *still* think it's a hotbed of Trotskyism

Broadly speaking its Marxist, actually.


. Basically it seems

Post by Andrew
that people with a particular axe to grind get annoyed when the BBC does its
job

It isn't. That's the issue. It has a charter - renewed by the Tessa Jowell
for another decade just before the General Election.

Post by Andrew
and remains impartial

It's been a very long time since the organisation was anything *like*
impartial. That's why people are up in arms.

Post by Andrew
asking the awkward and necessary questions,

Ah but they only ask awkward and neccessary questions if it suits their own
Left Wing agenda; otherwise they don't bother. That's what the fuss is
about.

Post by Andrew
whether in news or cultural programming.

Both biased to a Left wing agenda.

ROBBIE

["SpiKe" >]

Post by BLAZES BOYLAN

Post by Andrew

Post by BAYHAM BADGER
(curtain up)
<>

Are you posting this for criticism or just to blow off steam? Either way

I'd

Post by Andrew
say it's not very effective: the converted will just agree with you and
write another furious letter to the Daily Mail: the unconverted (like me)
will stop reading halfway down when it becomes obvious that your agenda is
more important than actual satire. Funny how the BBC gets it in the neck
from all sides: the government thinks they're biased against them

Oh no; it's very much been a friend of the Labour Party- Greg Dyke was a
member as was Andrew Marr. They had one almighty falling-out- Iraq. The BBC
is more Left Wing than the parliamentary Labour Party, that's the bone of
contention.
, the right

Post by Andrew
wing press *still* think it's a hotbed of Trotskyism

Broadly speaking its Marxist, actually.
. Basically it seems

Post by Andrew
that people with a particular axe to grind get annoyed when the BBC does

its

Post by Andrew
job

It isn't. That's the issue. It has a charter - renewed by the Tessa Jowell
for another decade just before the General Election.

Post by Andrew
and remains impartial

It's been a very long time since the organisation was anything *like*
impartial. That's why people are up in arms.

Post by Andrew
asking the awkward and necessary questions,

Ah but they only ask awkward and neccessary questions if it suits their own
Left Wing agenda; otherwise they don't bother. That's what the fuss is
about.

Post by Andrew
whether in news or cultural programming.

Both biased to a Left wing agenda.
ROBBIE

Absolutely! it's nothing more than a gravy train for left wingers, there is
no integrity left at the BBC.

[BLAZES BOYLAN]

Post by "SpiKe" >

Post by BLAZES BOYLAN

Post by Andrew

Post by BAYHAM BADGER
(curtain up)
<>

Are you posting this for criticism or just to blow off steam? Either way

I'd

Post by Andrew
say it's not very effective: the converted will just agree with you and
write another furious letter to the Daily Mail: the unconverted (like me)
will stop reading halfway down when it becomes obvious that your agenda is
more important than actual satire. Funny how the BBC gets it in the neck
from all sides: the government thinks they're biased against them

Oh no; it's very much been a friend of the Labour Party- Greg Dyke was a
member as was Andrew Marr. They had one almighty falling-out- Iraq. The BBC
is more Left Wing than the parliamentary Labour Party, that's the bone of
contention.
, the right

Post by Andrew
wing press *still* think it's a hotbed of Trotskyism

Broadly speaking its Marxist, actually.
. Basically it seems

Post by Andrew
that people with a particular axe to grind get annoyed when the BBC does

its

Post by Andrew
job

It isn't. That's the issue. It has a charter - renewed by the Tessa Jowell
for another decade just before the General Election.

Post by Andrew
and remains impartial

It's been a very long time since the organisation was anything *like*
impartial. That's why people are up in arms.

Post by Andrew
asking the awkward and necessary questions,

Ah but they only ask awkward and neccessary questions if it suits their own
Left Wing agenda; otherwise they don't bother. That's what the fuss is
about.

Post by Andrew
whether in news or cultural programming.

Both biased to a Left wing agenda.
ROBBIE

Absolutely! it's nothing more than a gravy train for left wingers, there is
no integrity left at the BBC.

Of course. The problem with people like Andy here is that because they are
sporadically-informed and softly leftish by which I mean they've got all the
poverty armbands and call people Right Wing loonies but also love their
ipods and computers, they don't see anything unusall in what the BBC is
peddling. These people have generally emerged from universities where the
teaching is essentially Marxist and the background noise in their head is
the po-faced rock music produced by the Clash, Coldplay and Blure et al. So
Andy here will not really be able to UNDERSTAND and IDENTIFY what the bias
is, because he only knows one side of the story.

ROBBIE

[Alan Hope]

Post by "SpiKe" >
Absolutely! it's nothing more than a gravy train for left wingers, there is
no integrity left at the BBC.

Anyone who thinks in terms of "left-wingers" in the first place has
nailed his colours to the mast. And what's he's saying is that the
world is divided into two sorts: Us and Them.

What your complaint amounts to, therefore, is that Them are in charge,
when you'd rather it were Us. Your vocabulary allows for no other
option.

Well mate, I have to point out to you, that everyone wishes their lot
were in charge instead of the other lot. It's the starting point of
all discourse. So you're effectively saying fuck-all here. Your
position takes us precisely nowhere.

So: what's your proposed solution?

["SpiKe" >]

Post by Alan Hope

Post by "SpiKe" >
Absolutely! it's nothing more than a gravy train for left wingers, there is
no integrity left at the BBC.

Anyone who thinks in terms of "left-wingers" in the first place has
nailed his colours to the mast. And what's he's saying is that the
world is divided into two sorts: Us and Them.

I dont remember saying that

Post by Alan Hope
What your complaint amounts to, therefore, is that Them are in charge,
when you'd rather it were Us. Your vocabulary allows for no other
option.

I didnt say that either

Post by Alan Hope
Well mate, I have to point out to you, that everyone wishes their lot
were in charge instead of the other lot. It's the starting point of
all discourse. So you're effectively saying fuck-all here. Your
position takes us precisely nowhere.

you speak for *everyone* do you ??

Post by Alan Hope
So: what's your proposed solution?

get rid of the BBC which is no longer what it was set up to be

I begrudge the fact that they get a massive handout every year from the
British Public and
do not fulfill their obligations to that public. Instead they pander to the
middle classes which is not what it is supposed to be doing.

[GERTY MACDOWELL]

Post by Alan Hope

Post by "SpiKe" >
Absolutely! it's nothing more than a gravy train for left wingers, there is
no integrity left at the BBC.

Anyone who thinks in terms of "left-wingers" in the first place has
nailed his colours to the mast. And what's he's saying is that the
world is divided into two sorts: Us and Them.
What your complaint amounts to, therefore, is that Them are in charge,
when you'd rather it were Us. Your vocabulary allows for no other
option.
Well mate, I have to point out to you, that everyone wishes their lot
were in charge instead of the other lot. It's the starting point of
all discourse. So you're effectively saying fuck-all here. Your
position takes us precisely nowhere.
So: what's your proposed solution?
--
AH

My god what a fucking cock you are. I can see 'left-wingers',
'right-wingers' and 'centrists' and 'loons'.

ROBBIE

[Alan Hope]

Post by GERTY MACDOWELL
My god what a fucking cock you are. I can see 'left-wingers',
'right-wingers' and 'centrists' and 'loons'.

Liar. You're more binary than Spike.

[Alan Hope]

Post by BLAZES BOYLAN
It's been a very long time since the organisation was anything *like*
impartial. That's why people are up in arms.

If someone like you suddenly thought it was impartial there'd be cause
for concern. Other people would start to apply the standard you're
applying now, namely "impartial means something I can agree with".

You're looking for anything but impartiality, Robbie, just as your
opponents are. They're happy because the ball is in their court. You'd
be just as happy if the positions were reversed.

It thus follows that the only position for a dour Scot to take is to
conclude that it doesn't matter a fuck where the BBC stands on the
political spectrum, because no position is in itself optimum. The only
question that remains is: is Jeremy Hardy funny sometimes, or is Mark
Steel? And if not, can they find someone who is?

[GERTY MACDOWELL]

Post by Alan Hope

Post by BLAZES BOYLAN
It's been a very long time since the organisation was anything *like*
impartial. That's why people are up in arms.

If someone like you suddenly thought it was impartial there'd be cause
for concern. Other people would start to apply the standard you're
applying now, namely "impartial means something I can agree with".

No, child, it means 'here is the other side of the argument; the other side
of the coin.'

Post by Alan Hope
You're looking for anything but impartiality, Robbie, just as your
opponents are. They're happy because the ball is in their court. You'd
be just as happy if the positions were reversed.

Sorry but I'm not an ignorant cynic like you, Alan.


ROBBIE

[Alan Hope]

Post by GERTY MACDOWELL
Sorry but I'm not an ignorant cynic like you, Alan.

You would be if you had more intelligence.

[GERTY MACDOWELL]

Post by Alan Hope

Post by GERTY MACDOWELL
Sorry but I'm not an ignorant cynic like you, Alan.

You would be if you had more intelligence.
--
AH

No, cynicism is for uneducated pseuds, like you.

ROBBIE